Enterprise IT. Managed with a buzz.
PatJ-MSP delivers best-of-breed managed services, cybersecurity and digital transformation to forward-thinking organizations. Pat J personally handles every engagement. Pat J is also, at this moment, drunk.
24/7/365 support* · *Pat is unreachable between 1 AM and 2 PM
Live NOC
Operational-ish- Uptime
- 99.97%
- Pat's uptime
- 11:42 PM
- Tickets closed
- 412
- Tickets remembered
- 3
Engineer BAC
0.08%
Within SLA. Barely.
Trusted by industry leaders (allegedly)
- Hopsworth Capital
- Lagerithm
- Stoutly Systems
- Kegerator Labs
- Brewlogix
- Pilsner & Partners
- Growler Health
- Barley Dynamics
Services
A full stack of capabilities. A full pint at all times.
Every buzzword your board asked about, delivered by a certified professional who is, frankly, buzzed.
Zero Trust Architecture
Never trust, always verify. Every identity, every device, every request.
In practice: Pat trusts no one after his fifth IPA. Except the bartender. And that guy, Dave.
AI Transformation
Unlock agentic workflows and LLM-powered insights across your enterprise.
In practice: Pat asked ChatGPT to do his job, then argued with it for three hours.
Cloud Migration
Lift, shift and modernize workloads to AWS, Azure or GCP.
In practice: Your workloads are definitely in a cloud. Pat cannot recall which one.
SOC 2 Readiness
Audit-ready controls, evidence collection and continuous compliance.
In practice: Now also offering SOC 2: Sobriety Optional Compliance.
Kegernetes Orchestration
Container orchestration at scale with GitOps and autoscaling pods.
In practice: Autoscaling, but for kegs. Pods are tapped on demand.
Managed SOC & SIEM
24/7 threat detection, triage and incident response.
In practice: Pat watches the alerts. Sometimes they watch him back.
Microsoft Copilot Rollout
Secure, governed deployment of Copilot across M365.
In practice: Pat is the copilot. You are driving. Please, you are driving.
FinOps & Cost Optimization
Right-size cloud spend and eliminate waste with real-time visibility.
In practice: Savings reallocated to a line item labelled "team morale (beer)".
Disaster Recovery
Tested backups, defined RPO/RTO and rapid failover.
In practice: Pat is the disaster. Recovery typically completes by Tuesday.
The PatJ Framework™
A proven, four-phase delivery model. Proven mostly at the bar.
Fig. 1 — Our Tier III data center. The pint is load-bearing.
- 01
Discovery
Pint 1Stakeholder interviews, current-state assessment, and a deeply sincere promise to "circle back."
- 02
Architecture
Pints 2–4A visionary target-state diagram, drawn on a napkin with remarkable confidence.
- 03
Implementation
Pints 5–8Agile sprints, CI/CD pipelines, and one change pushed straight to prod "because it felt right."
- 04
Retrospective
The morning afterLessons learned, root-cause analysis, two Advil, and a heartfelt apology email.
Pricing
Transparent pricing. Opaque engineer.
Every plan includes a two-drink minimum, billed to you.
Session
4.2% ABVFor small teams who need light-touch support and low expectations.
$499/mo
- Helpdesk, 9–5 (Pat interprets loosely)
- Response within 4 hours or 4 pints
- Monthly patching, mostly of Pat
- Password resets (to "beer123")
Hazy IPA
6.8% ABVOur most popular plan. Cloudy, unfiltered, and surprisingly effective.
$1,899/mo
- Everything in Session
- Managed EDR & SOC monitoring
- Quarterly business reviews at a brewery of your choosing
- Dedicated vCIO (very Casual Intoxicated Officer)
- Microsoft Copilot rollout
Imperial Stout
12% ABVEnterprise-grade everything. Full-bodied. Do not operate heavy machinery.
Custom
- Everything in Hazy IPA
- Zero Trust & SOC 2 programs
- Named account engineer (it is Pat)
- 99.99% SLA, measured by Pat
- Uber home after every change window
Don't take our word for it. Pat can't remember what he said anyway.
“Pat migrated our entire on-prem estate to Azure over a single weekend. We have no idea how. Neither does Pat.”
Dana R.CIO, Hopsworth Capital “Best penetration test we have ever had. He got into the server room by telling security he was "the beer guy." He was.”
Marcus T.CISO, Stoutly Systems “Our QBR was held at a brewery, ran four hours long, and produced the most honest roadmap in company history.”
Priya K.COO, Lagerithm
FAQ
Frequently slurred questions
Is Pat actually drunk?
Our legal team has advised us to describe Pat as "persistently relaxed."
What certifications does Pat hold?
CISSP, AWS Solutions Architect, Azure Expert, and a laminated card from a brewery tour in 2019 that he refers to as his "Cicerone."
Do you offer on-site support?
Yes. Please ensure your site has a fridge, a bottle opener, and a couch suitable for "monitoring."
How do you handle major incidents?
Our incident response plan has three steps: acknowledge, escalate, and order another round for the war room.
Is my data safe?
Your data is encrypted at rest. Much like Pat on Sunday.